"I said to myself that if I succeed to reach the top, my life will change. And it did". - from Gunung Gede Adventure 28-29 October 2014

That was my 2nd time hiking a mountain. Like, real mountain. And it was beyond belief.

I know for sure that every mountain has its own characteristic. I thought Gunung Gede (Mount Gede) was the easy one, or at least suitable for newbie training. But my friends said the track was harder than Mt. Papandayan that I hiked couple of months ago.

As preparation, I did 5km running every morning for 3 days in a row on the week before I went to Mt. Gede. But my feet was in sore condition so that I stopped the running preparation on the 3rd day. I got my feet massaged by therapist couple of days before the hiking and thankfully the massage worked.

My friend on my team made itinerary of this adventure, so I knew how long we have to hike or climb down. And it was long long journey~. According to the itinerary, we need around 8-10 hours to go to the peak of the mountain (through Cibodas route). Compared to Mt. Papandayan, we only need 4 or 5 hours to the top.

Day 1

After passing the registration post at Cibodas (they checked our permit, asked us to sign some documents with legal-stamp-which-we-have-to-buy-from-them-in-more-expensive-price, and took our soap products), we started our journey at 7 PM and then we saw a sign of direction with how many hours we need to reach a particular place. It said 6 hours to Kampung Badak (a post before the peak) and 10 hours to the top. So I knew from the very first time I stepped my feet on that mountain, it was gonna be a long long hike. The question was: was I gonna survive the boredom of walk for up to 10 hours ?

What I didn’t know was, it was a lot longer. We were 13 people (including 2 porters), and we got separated-united-separated-united multiple times. I was considered fast considering I brought a heavier burden of rucksack than what I supposed to do. But, I also took rest countless times during the journey.

There were also times when I walk alone, left my friends behind (and being left by the others). It was wonderful journey actually in the middle of a forest, with nobody around, far from air and sound pollution in the city. I really enjoyed my solo walking back then in the back of Gunung Gede. Was I afraid of getting lost ? Hmm, not really, because I knew there was only one way to go up. 

The level of difficulty of Gunung Gede was ~ high. My friends who already hiked Mt. Semeru (the highest peak in Java island) before said Mt. Semeru’s route was a lot easier, although it was a lot lot longer. The road in Mt. Gede was full of rocks and really steep. And it was like a never ending journey. After hours and hours of walking up, we didn’t reach the peak yet, not even saw the sign of it.

Yes we were so late. According to the itinerary, we would have lunch at a post called “Kampung Badak” at 12 PM. But at 12 PM or 1 PM, we just reached “Kampung Batu”, a post before “Kampung Badak”. After we took lunch and pray at Kampung Batu, we continued the journey and reached Kampung Badak at 2.30 PM. We got rest for an hour at Kampung Badak and then continued our journey at 3.30 PM (while supposedly at 2 PM we should’ve had reached the top and at 4 PM we should’ve had reached our camp).

The journey from Kampung Badak to the top was like never ending. We knew that it was getting closer to the peak, but we didn’t see any sign of the peak. Not to mention, the level of difficulty as we get closer to the top kept increasing. It was frustrating even to me. But instead of giving up, I even got more spirit to keep going because I knew the goal was getting closer.

At 5.30 PM in the middle of forest, it was getting dark. There were 4 of my friends with me. Our two porters who brought our camping equipment and one of my girl friend were already far ahead, whilst the others were left behind. Me and my 4 friends decided to pull out our head lamp. As we finally saw the peak from a far, the road changed into sandy. We kept walking and walking but it was like we never reach the top.

At 6.30 we arrived at this edge of the mountain before the peak. There were no longer trees and forest, just rocks and sandy land. We were finally above the clouds ! Yes, we missed the sunset already. But it was still one of the most beautiful view in the world. You still can see the sun horizon a far, with the color blue and orange contrast each other, while you can also see the wave of clouds and the peak of Mt. Pangrango which was just beside Mt. Gede.

After took a rest for a minute or two, we must continue our journey to the peak. We had no choice to go back or to stop, because all of our camping equipment were already in the camp site, to which we must pass the peak first.

Me and 4 of my friends finally reached the peak at round 7 PM or 7.30 PM. It was really relieving. It was 12 hours hiking ! We immediately ordered some foods and hot drinks from a seller there while waiting from others whom we left behind. But we already heard their voices, so we knew they were okay. 

Turns out, there were at least 3 of my friends in the group behind me who got sick. Well, nothing serious really, just tired. So after they came, they took rest first before continue the journey down to the camp site (30 minutes - 1 hours climbed down to the camp site). Two of my male friends decided to go to the camp site first to find our porters and asked them to go to the peak helping carrying stuffs belong to my sick friends (one of the porters is my friend’s brother). 

It was really really freezing at the peak, especially for tropical human like us. We decided to pull out a sleeping bag (we finally used 2) just to cover ourselves from wind and freezing air. After one hour, we finally decided to go on because it was not good to stay at freezing air for too long. 

The journey began at a dark forest from the peak to the camp site. We finally met our porter after 5 minutes walking and he helped carrying rucksacks belong to my 2 sick friends. After that, the scariest part began. It was dark and we knew we have to stick together no matter what. Along the way down, 2 of my friends fell off. Thank God nothing serious, they just hurt their foot a little but that’s all. Thank God they were still able to walk. 

And we finally reached the camp site. If you were there, you can see a sky full of star like literally. It was worthy experience to see and feel all those things as we can’t feel it everyday in the city. 

But it was still freezing. I had intention to help all the boys setting up the camp, but after 5 minutes of resting I was freezing to hell and couldn’t move anywhere but stay inside the camp. I couldn’t even sleep well that night because it was hell freezing. My friend said it was 6 degrees of Celcius.

Day 2

I woke up with desire to pee. There was no toilet, so others hikers do pee or poo behind the bush of Edelweiss flowers. The worst thing was: all those hikers left their trashes (tissue or wet tissue or plastic) behind so it was all dirty. I got no clean space to pee. I almost decided to hold it, but I couldn’t. So I just found a space which was the most empty to pee. Not like other irresponsible hikers, I brought my trash (wet tissue) along with me and put it on the trash bag we used to carry the trash down. That was simple actually, we can also take turns to bring the trash down with our friends. C’mon, #kamipecintaalambukanpenikmatalam. I wish other hikers know this.

Anyway, we cancelled our plan in the morning to catch sunrise at the peak (the plan was to hike at 4 AM in the morning) because we were freezing and lazy. We got off to climb down at 10 AM through different route: Gunung Putri route.

It was also challenging route. First, we met a steep rocky lands everywhere in the middle of foggy forest. It was beautiful in the middle of fog though, but it was creepy considering less sunshine coming through. But thank God it wasn’t hot. After a while, we met a very slippery soil all the way down. In the middle of the journey, I got asthma (light one, no worries) so me and my male friend exchange our rucksack (his rucksack was lighter than mine). Again, we got separated, and united, and separated again, and so on along the way. After the slippery soil, we arrived at this very wide farm where we can see the city of Bogor and Cianjur from the top. 

We finally arrived at the registration post in Gunung Putri at 5 PM. They checked our rucksack to make sure we didn’t bring any flowers from the mountain or soap products. We then eat some foods at small stalls around that area, and then continue our journey back home. I got home at 11.30 PM.

So yes, my life changed.

The reason why I was so strong to finish the journey in a healthy condition was because I kept telling myself “If I successfully reach the peak at this mountain, my life will change”, And it sure did.

After reaching the peak of the mountain, I knew that I can conquer all the harsh challenge in front of me. It was not only physical challenge, but also mental challenge. You were there in the middle of nowhere, couldn’t see the end of the road, or you didn’t even know whether that road would end, where, and when. It was like journey of life. Sometimes you just lost. You knew you are already in the path, but sometimes you don’t know when, where, or whether you will reach your goal. But you have no choice to go back because life must go on. You only need to survive.

I got some tips for all hikers out there:

1. be responsible to your own trash. For organic trash, bury it on the ground. For non-organic trash, put it on the huge trash bag and bring it down after you climb the mountain. Take turns with your fellas

2. I don’t know about other mountain, but you are not allowed to bring soap to Mt. Gede and Mt. Pangrango area.

3. don’t bring too much stuffs like I did

4. keep the spirit up ! I brought too heavy luggage with me and I kept survive. Why can’t you ?

You can observe some photos from this journey on instagram #UltimateSurvivalGede or my flickr.

Is Emma Watson the right woman for UN HeForShe campaign ?

As a feminist, I would like also to contribute my thought upon this issue.

Emma Watson was chosen as Goodwill Ambassador for UN HeForShe campaign. But there are some sides who criticize UN decision, one of which write an article here http://m.aljazeera.com/story/20149245235239187.

Well, when I watch her speech at Youtube, I can easily get the sense that Emma Watson doesn’t have academic comprehension about feminism and gender equality (which is something I think is important for people to understand, in order to avoid misconception about gender equality movement). And yes I agree with the writer of article above, that Emma’s experience told on her speech was not representative enough for all women some of whom may have had experience worst gender discrimination. And yes, her public speech ability was below my expectation actually.

But here’s what I think. The fact that she involves in this movement, is already great ! More people involved in this movement, men or women or in-between, are better. And you forget the real target of this campaign: men. Men are known as their shallow-mindedness. They think short, and attracted by things they catch with their eyes (like, women’s physical appearance). UN needs something like this - a marketing system using ambassador - to grab attention from male, and female alike. Just so people turn their head to see what about this campaign, and hoping that they will analyze more about this campaign and in the end participate on it. 

Well actually, on my work as public servant (let’s call it that way), I don’t believe in the idea of marketing using goodwill ambassador. If you are trying to promote a thing for profit purposes - maybe yes. But to promote a social program to get involvement of all people - no matter races, gender, and other kinds of group - I don’t buy it. I tend to avoid association of the social program I am working on with a certain group of people. Especially if s/he is overrated (you know, like those people who get famous not because of their works but because of something else).

But UN has made their decision. I don’t know the reason behind their decision to use marketing system with ambassador. Maybe they think Emma Watson could grab attention from people as many as possible. Well I hope that will work.

What is more concerning to me is the idea of the HeForShe campaign as a whole. I mean, if you try to get as many people to contribute for gender equality movement without any differentiation, why then you differentiate men and women ? I can’t even clicked the support button on its website heforshe.org because I am not a man. And what is the end goal of this campaign ? Is it only the idea or you want to do something more tangible than this ? And so many questions which make me think I should go back to the research desk to analyze this movement.

All in all, I still support this HeForShe movement because I believe this is a good movement anyway. It is not perfect, yet. Well, there’s nothing perfect in this world anyway. I mean, if you start a new program of your own, there must be also some trial and error, right ? Improvement, for that matter, is really important for this campaign, and all other social movement in this world. And I respect Emma Watson’s decision to join this campaign, to end gender-based discrimination.

All hail humanity !

If you still hate the word, it is not the word that’s important. It is the idea and the ambition behind it. Because not all women have received the same rights that I have.
Men - I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue too.
If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled
Emma Watson’s HeForShe speech at United Nations

Do it. Now !

If there’s anything that I learn most this week is:

If you intend to do something good to other, DO IT NOW. Because you never know when the last goodbye is.

I once had a girl friend, a very best friend when I was in college. But in recent month and the past year I hadn’t really in contact with her because we work separately (we once worked in the same place before). I also got bored and overwhelmed with her (she’s nice. It’s just she is stubborn and I know her bad sides very well). I also got tired with all of her action so I thought I needed a break. That was when I reduce my contact with her. Plus, everytime I asked her to hang out or meet, she always reject with some reasons. Maybe she was busy or maybe she got bored with me too.

Last month, I told her that my contract in my job ended at the end of the month. I intend to meet her again, for nostalgia. She was excited too. But after my contract ended, I still contribute to some events from my previous office. 

It was 5th of September, the day when our office held a big (and very cool) event. Right when the event running (I was in charge of handling all guest-speakers, so I must always ON when the event running), she messaged me and asked me to join her go to salon for hair treatment. It was the first time she asked me to hang out after a year or more. I was so happy, BUT I was still working at the event so I can’t go anywhere. Beside, on that day after the event, I had a plan to confess my interest to one of my co-workers before we separated (that was his last day too). So I was kinda full on that day. But I said to her that I will hang out with her when I got time.

After the event, I didn’t contact her because I was busy, still helping my former co-workers to finish some works (I already promised to them that I will finish my works even after my contract end). 

Last week, on one night, I saw her crossing the street with her boyfriend while I was driving my motorcycle. I didn’t stop or called her of course because it was a busy street. I intended to message her right after I arrived at home, but I was forget.

Two days after I saw her, I accidentally open my facebook homepage (I am not active in facebook nowadays. I only open it when there’s notification like someone tag me or send me message), and saw her photos at the airport with her mom and sister. Turns out, she was going to UK to pursue master degree (she got Chevening scholarship. She was really smart).

I was so shock. Because now I miss the moment to meet with her again. Well, I know that we will bump into each other again one day, but I have to wait at least one year to meet her again (unless I travel to UK). I was so sad.

The point is, if you want to do something good to your friends or to anyone, DO IT NOW. If you want to confess your love or say thank you or say sorry, DO IT NOW. If you wanna give something to your friends, DO IT NOW. If you want to meet them, DO IT NOW.

Because you never know when the last goodbye is. In case they lose you, there’s always other people who will convey your message to them. But in case you lose them, you miss it forever…

I’m gonna miss you, but we’re gonna be fine

After 1 years and 8 months, it’s time for me to move from my current job at President’s Delivery Unit for Development Monitoring and Oversight.

It was a very respectful job. All people will be disinclined when hearing you are from President’s Unit. Not to mention that the salary here is high. Seems fun. But, every workplace has its own pros and cons.

Here in this office, I do the things that are not passion. I do the new things that I never did before. And I do the dirty works.

Well, I am very good at detail and dirty works as I am very detail person. But when u do the dirty things that are not your true passion, and not getting appropriate appreciation, you will be sick of it.

Here in this office, I meet a lot of cocky people who think they are coolest person in the room.

Here in this office, I work with lazy-ass people who think they already do their best.

Here in this office, I deal with citizens who think only what the nation could give to them and not what they could give to the nation.

Here in this office, I met and have to deal with shallow-minded perverts men who can’t appreciate beauty of Gods creature.

Here in this office, they don’t recognize my work at all. Yes they said they do, but they actually don’t.

Here in this office, I’m getting betrayed for the reason that I still don’t know. And that’s what hurt most.

Here in this office, I can’t give my 100%. I can’t explore my potential. And I can’t learn new knowledge that I want to learn.

But over all that,

From this office, I get so much money to keep my family (mom, dad, and sister) alive.

From this office, I learn how to “sacrifice” to help others.

From this office, I get the everyday access to Presidential Palace, to capture some photos, to get to know palace life, to buy official palace souvenirs that you can’t get in other places, or simply for lunch at palace canteen.

From this office, I get to know how big and complicated Indonesia is. I now get better understanding about my own country.

From this office, I learn about integrity when you are high-rank public officer in your country.

From this office, I got to hear more stories about how beautiful Indonesia is and encourage me to explore this country. And my travelling level raises to the more extreme level.

From this office I learn how to move on and loving someone unconditionally. Eventhough you get hurts most of the time.

On the top of all that, I get to know so many wonderful people and know about friendship from them.

Now it’s time for me to go because my contract in this office ends on 31st August 2014. I find trouble mostly in leaving these last people. Those last people are the ones who makes this office become my comfort zone. They’re the people who make me always wanna stay. They are my wonderwall.

I have to detach step by step from this office. I find returning back my ID and other office equipment very hard. But the fact that those last people still accept me no matter who I really am, and the fact that I can always go back to them whenever I need them makes me relieve. Plus, we love travelling anyway so there’s always reasons for us to be together.

Well, sometimes you know something is not good but it becomes your comfort zone so you just go with the flow.
Sometimes you know that in the end you will leave something, but you don’t like that fact so you just enjoy the moment. Until the reality slap you in the face and you really have to move.

Its never easy to break up, in any context. Especially if you have problem with detachment.

But I have my childhood dreams that need to be pursued again after more than one year wander around in different path. I have to go back to live my dreams into reality.

I’m gonna miss you. But we’re gonna be fine. Because nothing last forever.

Thank you. Cause you make me move

There have been many times I write a thank you note for something or someone via tumblr. And this writing is a special one. This is the story of how I finally can move on from the last man in my love life.

It took 1 years and 3 months before I finally (willing) to change my mind from this last man. Trust me, he is still the perfect man I am always look up to forever. It wasn’t that hard actually to move on from him. But I just didn’t want to move on simply because I couldn’t find anyone even closer like him. But in the end, when the heart moves, it moves.

The story began when someone new came to my office. We introduce ourselves to each other and he attracts me from the very first sight. However, since I know he’s below my age, I knew I don’t have any chance. So I forgot his existence.
But he kept popping out. He noticed my existence eventhough I didn’t notice his.

The moment he added me as his facebook friends was the first time he finally grab my attention. I finally remember his name at that moment. I started to become very curious about this boy. And the more I know about him, the more he is attractive for me.

Then I started to stop thinking about who was in my past. This new guy is totally different. The man in my past was a warm hearted guy. While this new guy is cold blooded. I don’t even understand why I fall for younger man. But here, feelings cant lie.

He boosts my energy to unstoppable. He was the one who gave me energy to stay working at the office until 11 PM to draft minister’s bill. He’s the one who gave me energy to stay awake until 3 AM to work on the volunteer project I was working on before. He wasn’t there to accompany me, no. But I know since I met him, my limit raises.

He was the one who gave me strength to face difficult office colleague. My relations with this difficult office colleague was smoother and better at the end. Because when I think about this special man, I don’t need to think about difficult people. I am no good to difficult people. So when someone could bring the good side of me, he must means that much to me.

I like to see him smiling and laugh. His glowing eyes and face-shape when he smile and laugh are like a drugs for me. But I couldn’t chase him coz he’s way out of my league. He’s just so young and full of potential. He deserves someone way better.

Our relationship was not smooth. There are some times when he puts me in sadness and disappointment for acting selfishly and take me for granted. There are times when I made mistakes too. At the end of the day, we found out that don’t fit to each other for some occasions. I realize now that my mistake was unable to distinguish feeling from professional work. And we messed everything up.

But I am still thankful. I am thankful that God sent him to my hellish office life. He is the answer to my prayer: I asked God to give me strength to finished my work in my current job. I am thankful that he taught me how to face a very masculine (not a positive term) man. He taught me how the way to communicate with colleague or inferior. He taught me to distinguish personal feelings from professional work.

He reminds me the reason why I’m still single at this moment. Because I can’t understand men and I can’t handle them. At least for now. Because I need to wait longer for settling down. Because I still couldn’t handle break up if it happens. Because even farewell with him broke my heart real bad.

It was 9 months for a colorful phase of my life. All the laugh, smile, anger, madness, and tears I will always remember.

Now’s he’s gone for good. I gotta let him go, for good this time. Because no matter how much I love him, but if we hurt each other, we gotta let go.

I just wish he’s aware that his existence was that special. I wish he knew that his smile changes my life, and could change the world.

I made my promise to love him unconditionally since the first time I fall for him. I know his past and I know his present. So yes, I still do love him unconditionally eventhough there are some attitudes of him that I couldn’t tolerate. Love doesn’t necessary mean possession afterall.

I made my promise to keep alive after he leaves. So I’ll manage to survive. I am a grown-up woman already to know that if it means to be, it means to be.

So, see you when I see you. I’m gonna miss the red tumbler on the top of your desk. That was the thing that makes me relieve to know that you were still around. And that thing’s gone now, so does you.

You saw me once very excited when I met my old friend. And then you asked me whether I will be that excited if you leave one day and meet me again. I tell you the real answer, I will be crying in happy tears if I ever see your face again.


Ive been thinking lately about critics

On July 2014 I wrote about this. But somehow I forget to post this


Friends who criticize you are the ones who care the most.

Sometimes I do have problem in accepting critics. But I’ve been thinking lately that friends who gave me critics are the one who care the most.

They have faith in you, that you will listen to them. That you will accept their judgement with no judgement. That you can change to be better. That the bound between you are unbreakable, and you can always share the umbrella.

So I am utterly grateful to have them.

Appreciate ! Appreciate !

May July a good month to find a new job and move on.

It’s a good month anyway !

Nostalgia: Emotions from Undergraduate Thesis in 2011

Couple of days ago, I accidentally open softcopy file of my undergraduate thesis. And it remind me of all emotions I had when writing that thing: all the pain, all the heartaches, all the spirit, all the pride, all the tears, all the laugh, all the love, and so on and so on. Because it was reflected in my writing

Hereby, I would like to share all those emotions. 

This is the front page of my thesis:


This is the statement of anti-plagiarism or that sort of thing:


Me and my thesis advisor are very proud of this thesis. This is her statement: 


Most students write a very short and mainstream introduction part. But not for me. I transfer all my emotions while writing this thesis into a-two-page-of-introduction. This is a glimpse of my introduction:




This is a glimpse of my thank you note: 






This is the thesis abstract (in English):


This is the result of my research. FYI, this chart is not taken from a book or internet. This is the chart that I made my own based on my research findings:


And this, is not the theory from a book or internet. This is the theory I made my own on my thesis.

Yes, I created a theory from my thesis:


Gosh I should go back to research world

Anonymous asked:

As an Indonesian living abroad, and with limited Bahasa Indonesia skills, I appreciate your post about the elections! I'm trying to keep up with the latest news but it's been quite challenging. Anyway, I chose Jokowi too - like you said, he's not perfect, but Prabowo's human rights track record scares the hell out of me. Again, thanks for the post! :)

Hi ! It’s nice to meet you online ! Im thankful that you appreciate my post. Yeah nobody is perfect, but question is who open the door for people contribution, including Indonesians who live abroad, to build the nation together„ right ? :))